As grotesque as it might sound through those hours Tara would examine everything that came from her body looking for anything that might represent the baby that should have been. Just as Ella awoke and Brian tried valiantly to prepare her for nursery without disturbing her, Tara found what she was looking for, the shiny, silvery sac that had been the home for her child no matter how brief its life. Although as the doctor had said she could see nothing that resembled a baby, Tara retrieved this memento from the toilet. She put it into a freezer bag, planning to give her baby a burial perhaps in a pot where she could watch something grow in memory of the part of them that should have been. But six weeks later that freezer bag still sat like a silent reminder of her loss each time she opened those doors. Despite six weeks on anti-depressants and a couple of counselling sessions, Tara still was not herself. Although those intense feelings of hopelessness had lifted a bit, there were. She askedwhat the joke was, so I chuckled and told her. She justgiggled and raised her eyebrows. About 15 minutes latershe asked, “How big did you say, Colin?”“About nine inches, give or take,” I replied. A fewminutes more silence, then she asked me to point him outto her. So, my eyes scanned the bar and I pointed himout to her, leaning on the bar and alone. She looked atme and her face said it all – she wanted him.Her enthusiasm was infectious and I’m sure that I wasblushing, too. I didn’t say a word. I merely nodded,stood up and went across to the bar and stood next tothe coloured youth. He glanced up and his face brokeinto a grin. “Hi man…you again?” he said. I smiledback and offered to buy him a drink. “Sure man, thanks.”“My pleasure.” I said, “Now, come and join me and mywife.”And that was how it began. His name was Ben, he was 20years old and like us, in town for the weekend. We.
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